Plantar Faciitis

The Plantar Faciitis Report: 2005
Jac D. Bulk

The data is in. The conclusions are riveting. No injury is more mysterious. No treatment protocol is more garbled. No rate of recovery is more uncertain.

Welcome to the world of plantar faciitis [PF]!

If you want to know what PF is, go on-line and find out. Let’s just assume that we all know what it is and go from there, okay? I was told to make this short and so here is the list of most commonly recommended treatments---  

night splints [“the night splint has been most successful but I have to drink a lot of beer to get to sleep.” Larry Kirch] 

ibuprofen [Kirch contends that ibu is okay but that crack cocaine works much better.] 

orthodics [one of most widely recommended treatments and most users report that orthodics either help or completely resolve PF; podiatrists all swear by them] 

manual foot massage [ Jeff Boyle likes this treatment but says that it works a lot better when the person doing the massage is Heidi Klum.] 

tape wraps under the arch and around the ankle [this often provides temporary alleviation of PF pain but is not likely to cure PF] 

rolling a bottle of frozen water under the PF foot [the efficacy of this treatment is said to improve during full lunar eclipses] 

Yoga dog poses (but not to be done in the actual presence of dogs who are offended by this crass imitation of them) [Yoga teachers strongly recommend this.] i

mmobilization (preferably in a block of frozen ice) --- [remaining completely immobile for six weeks or so has been proven to be a very effective treatment but few can resist walking to the bathroom occasionally, and this compromises the therapy] 

new running shoes [shoe manufacturers strongly recommend this and their research proves that it very successfully boosts shoe sales] 

heel stretches [see Dee Dee Stoker for directions on how to do these; Dee Dee strongly recommends these.] 

eating the eyeball of a shark [so far the only person to have tried this treatment went on to win the Boston marathon] 

towel curls and marble pick-ups w/ toes [I swear this is a highly touted treatment and has been proven to help remove unsightly marble clutter from your floors] 

cortisone injections [this is a late stage treatment for PF and has been reported to be effective by some---myself included] 

surgery [last recourse after cortisone injections and trips to see the Dali Lama---this is said to have an 80 percent efficacy rate; surgeons strongly recommend this treatment.

General Conclusions “PF is one of the most annoying injuries a runner can have. I would highly recommend catching it early and not letting it go on like I did. I just kept thinking it would go away on its own.”Jean Hougom

“As far as rating [PF] against any other running injury I’ve had---well, it’s the frickin’ worst. No question.”Mike Mulroy  

“I’ve had PF three time now (knock on wood). The first time was sixteen years ago and once I realized I needed to stop running completely, it went away (for 14 years anyway). The second time was two years ago and this time I acquired permanent orthodics and the PF went away (for eight months anyway). The third time was one year ago; I tried cross training but the PF persisted until I finally had a cortisone shot and it went away (for five months now and still counting).”Cigol Selur  

“There are no recommendations for when to return to activity with PF. As a guideline, once pain subsides … it is okay to resume activities. This time will vary depending on the case. However, coming back too soon and not letting the injury heal can lead to a more chronic case of PF… Just as the causes vary, so do the treatment modalities … several treatment techniques may need to be tried before successfully healing the injury.”Expert Medical Opinion  

So there you have it in a nutshell sport fans … the real down and dirty truth about PF … the most bastardly injury there ever was … so when your feeling “low and blue” just tell yourself at least I don’t have PF … unless you do, in which case you have my sympathy and all this great treatment information!

Information from the Mayo Clinic.